Crimes Of The Crazy
by Invader Johnny
Summary: Zim, Dib and Gaz have something in common, they all have committed a crime at least “twice” see their rap sheets if you dare, WUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
1. The Defective's Crimes

**_Crimes Of The Crazy_**

_**Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, if I own the rights to the show, ya think I be wasting me time posting my ideas on the internet?**_

_**Obviously not.**_

_**Synopsys: Zim, Dib and Gaz have something in common, they all have committed a crime at least "twice" see their rap sheets if you dare, WUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

_**Author's Notes: Yes a new story from yours truly, whoop-pe-doo, heh I just couldn't resist, the idea came to me oiuut of nowhere and BEGGED to bw written, plus you all have to admit, it's kind of typical for Jhonen's creations to have some sort of criminal record, just look at Johnny C, he had committed murder more times than Jack The Ripper ever did… I think.**_

_**But then again he could easily be "innocent" due to his insanity… same goes to Zim, thought obviously the little alien has (sometimes) full control over his actions so technically he is MILDLY insane.**_

_**So uh yeah. this CAN be considered quite a funny or deranged piece of work, the decision is up to you.**_

_**… So … enjoy.**_

* * *

_**Earth: Year 2134:**_

Three control brains opened their artificial eyes and narrowed them in frustration.

_**"What do you want?"**_ They all thundered at the same time, the Irken before them not showing the slightest bit of fear, having been in front of these intimidating machines one too many times

"I think you all know" The alien snapped hotly "Making sure history doesn't repeat itself"

The control brain in the middle raised a would be eyebrow at the insignificant being "And what makes you believe that something bad is gonna happen again?"

The Irken who walked closer to the ominous robots, revealed himself to be one of the advisors of the Tallest, due to his PAK being attached to his chest instead of his back.

"Well I been spying on a couple of characters that I don't trust".

**"Maybe you're just paranoid"** The second control brain retorted.

"And maybe you are malfunctioning" The advisor snapped back, smirking, always enjoying that he could push their buttons in the most literal of ways.

**"I would wipe that facial expression from your face Advisor"** The final brain ordered **"Just because you serve the Tallest and are protected by his wishes doesn't mean we cant find some way to convict and erase you"**

The Irken didn't even flinch at the threat, he keep smirking and even had the nerve to hum a little tune he had heard from the slaves on Earth... it was the tune of pop goes the weasel apparently, he never understood why the song had such a name, no weasels actually "popped" but then again, humans are generally weird.

"Listen, I do this for the safety of the Tallest not my own so if you help me great, if not then its also great… remember, I'm still an experienced hacker".

The brains narrowed their eyes in contempt** "Don't push your luck Advisor Stink"**

Yes, the advisor was former Invader Stink, he had been the second invader to complete his mission on Planet Kiro, home of the floating cones and particular a favorite of the former Tallest, he had risen from the ranks of the military to politics in a matter of years but many secretly agreed it was because of his increase in height.

"Well then are ya gonna gimme what I want or not?" He asked impatiently.

**"It depends"**

The alien raised an invisible eyebrow skeptically "On what?"

**"On the grounds that if we agree to give you the wanted information that it will be kept confidential"** The brain on the left responded stoically **"Not even the Tallest can see it"**

Stink was shocked "Your bluffing

**"No we are not"**

"But I thought the almighty Tallest had acess to all files in Irken history"

**"That normally would be the case but you see… during the reign of the former Tallest Red and Purple certain files cannot be seen by anyone but the original party of the operation Impending Doom II, which of course you took a part in"**

"I see"

**"So the current Tallest which was not an Invader or a soldier or even a part of the engineering crew cannot see what information you seek"**

"But why?" Stink couldn't help but ask "What possible damage could give by knowing a bit of information?"

**"Knowledge is power advisor Stink"** The main brain said wisely **"We don't exactly trust the Tallest… there is something about her that is to look out for"**

"But you trust _me_?"

The brains shrugged **"Not really"**

_"Should have seen that one coming"_ The alien thought bitterly.

**"Tallest Tak is yet to be decipher, she has some unorthodox but effective methods to rule the empire, yet she SEEMS to be missing a few screws on her PAK"**

"Do you think there is a motive as to why she decided to mark Earth for Operation Impending Doom III?"

**"Yes"**

"Care to tell me?" Stink asked intrigued, as far as he was concerned the planet had nothing of value for the Irken race so he failed to see why it had to be conquered and enslaved.

**"Pride"**

"Come again?"

**"Pride"** The brains repeated **"You see… well you are obviously aware how this planet was discovered"**

"Yes" Stink replied "It was because some… oh no way this had to do with Zim?!"

**"Precisely"**

Stink had a headache now.

**"In a way this seems fitting since Zim is part of the information you want, umm?"**

The advisor did not miss the amusement in the brain's mechanical voice.

Just when he thought he couldn't despise the defective idiot even more.

"Just gimme what I came in here for"

**"Access Granted"** They all said **"Keep in mind, you did ask"**

He scowled at them.

The control brains changed colors information being processed at the speed of light, then a mechanical tentacle emerged and attached itself to the PAK of their most frequent nuisance.

_Information... brings fear… cool huh?_

Stink shut his red orbs, twitching uncontrollably at what his artificial and meat brains were being fed with… in reality, he wanted to know one simply thing.

_"When is Foodcourtia gonna be open?"_

Instead the brains had misinterpreted what he actually wanted to know, since the food planet was an important thing for the Empire, he obviously desired to make sure that the Foodening was not gonna be delayed again.

… Instead the brains believed he wanted to know information of Irk's most hated criminals and their records.

Maybe they really were malfunctioning.

_**Invader Zim… The following are his most heinous felonies… first as a smeet then as an adult… in no particular order.**_

_His first crime was on the day he was born… the day was Known as Horrible Painful Overload Day Part I, the Irken menace known as the idiotic Zim caused a major blackout that caused Irk to be put into darkness for five years._

Stink punched the air pretending it was Zim right in front of him.

_His second crime was when he was ten years old, by causing the dreadful Horrible Painful Overload day Part II… four more years of darkness for Irk._

_He is also charged with murder on first and second degree by terminating former Tallest Miyuki and Tallest Spork and adding to the whole killing thing he is also charged with genocide, ending the lives of hundreds of Irkens and Vortians on Vort research station number 9 by creating that **disgusting**… huge blob creature…monster…thing._

_.. Thought those murdered were replaceable._

Stink couldn't help but think that these machines were either indifferent or deranged.

… Probably deranged.

They continued to number the crimes like you were talking about the weather.

_Zim caused yet another blackout on planet Devastis though not as powerful as the others considering he on killed the power on half the planet, thought he also ruined the evaluations of many prominent soldiers and many files had gotten erased, the half that suffered had to retake their tests and the scientists that were showing their inventions at the time were either fired or killed for failure to impress the military._

_Many lives were ruined that day._

"Unbelievable"

_Zim was also responsible for delaying Operation Impending Doom I by a decade and ultimately ruining the first attempt at galactic conquest by destroying **half** of Irk… blowing up over ten thousand soldiers and the original Invaders._

_In all the murder degrees imaginable_

The advisor shuddered to know how that happened but knowing the defective murder and mayhem was a knack for him.

_He ruined his own trial by **toying** with an experimental plasma tank._

_"Of course"_ Stink thought with disdain.

_Quitting his exile on Foodcourtia which in the good old days of Miyuki would have been instantly given the "erased" penalty._

Stink gasp in shock "Aw come on."

Zim had the best luck in the universe.

_Refusing to die which ironically became a crime after the Tallest Red and Purple became frustrated with the little defective._

_Asking for a functional SIR Unit that would have gotten destroyed somehow_

_Saving a planet that was **NOT** our own._

Stink was baffled "Huh?"

_**"Irkens cannot save a planet unless they are under the empire's control"**_ The brains clarified.

"Oh… wow"

**"Prevented the Planet Jackers from doing their job"** They continued.

_Blew up a perfectly good Megadoomer and NOT getting killed in the process_

_Constantly annoying the Tallest with his calls about Earth._

"That's a felony?"

**"It could be one"** The brains shrugged.

"Okkkkkkkkkkkk"

_Destroying a bit of the Armada on Blorch with a insanely huge vessel_

"I remember that!"

_"Taking control of the Massive which was both an act of endangerment as he almost terminated the lives of the Tallest Red and Purple as well as kidnapping them, in turn also embarrassing our former leaders in front of the resistance which in turned spared their miserable excuse of an existence when the Massive was about to destroy them."_

It amazed Stink that the maggot had not gotten any sort of punishment for THAT.

"Stalking"

"Huh… wait what?!"

**"Stalking"** The brains repeated. **"Are you deaf boy?"**

"Bite me"

**"As we were pulling information into you before we were rudely interrupted, Zim the defective Irken was also charged with treachery... thought that can be arguable since he was labeled a traitor since the day he was activated".**

Stink simple nodded _"He was a monster"._

_"Frustrating a really cool plan to turn a useless world into a snack place"_

_"Failure to be deactivated and to continuing to exist"_

"So many hopes and dreams were crushed at seeing THAT happen" Stink recalled viciously.

_"Creating a deranged mechanical blob monster thing with a huge beard and big scary teeth that causes havoc in the universe which sole purpose is to cause more havoc on the Earth."_

The tentacle released Stink and unceremoniously dropped him to the ground.

**_"OUCH"_** He wined and rubbed his sore ass "What that really necessary?!"

_**"Yes"**_ The brains responded emotionlesly.

The Irken glared daggers at them "So is that all Zim ever did wrong?"

**"Not really, we are sure he has committed a lot of those vile and creepy stuff but we don't wanna know"**

"And yet you had to problem feeding something **_I DIDN'T WANNA KNOW?_**"

If the ominous machines had mouths they would be smirking

**"Well breaks over now to go with criminal two!"**

Stink's eyes widened three times their normal size **_"WHAT?!"_**

The tentacle appeared again and attached itself to the advisor's PAK.

_**Second most wanted criminal: The Human Dib"**_

"My head hurts" Stink groaned.

* * *

_**Add evil laugh here, heh yes I'm mean with Stink, heh originally I intended to use Invader Skoodge at the advisor but ultimately decided to use an Invader that had almost no screen time on the show, so many were on the list of the prominent "main character" and the list narrowed down to two prominent Irkens which were Invader Stink and Invader Sneakyoonfota.**_

_**But the latter's name seemed to long and I'm too lazy to write it so often so Stink became the winner but in retrospect he is the loose since I'm gonna continue to torture him through chapter two and three.**_

_**Ya see I'm gonna go all canon on Dib and Gaz, they both have a history of at least committing a crime or two in the show's run, Dib more than Gaz which is rather ironic if ya think about it, LOL.**_

_**Oh and before I forget I'm gonna go with the idea that the show takes place in the future rather than being an Alternative Universe, it just seemes to work better so it would explain the date and why Dib and Gaz aren't dead.**_

_**Well please review, umm?**_

_**Criticism is accepted.**_

_**Invader Johnny Signing Off.**_


	2. The Hero's Crimes

**_Here's the new chapter, not really much to say about this except that it was quite hard to write for Dib, since generally he IS the hero and he is not exactly one to have a criminal record, except for the fact that considering the history of the show Dib has done some things that put in question his morality._**

******_Anyways enjoy this and of course we all know that Invader Zim doesn't belong to me, I'm just some insignificant insect who loves writing a bit too much and that the rights to the show belong to Jhonen Vasquez._**

* * *

**_Chapter Two:_**

******_"Criminal number two" _**The control brains said with contempt **_"The large headed guy known as Dib"_**

The tentacles appeared yet again, connecting themselves into Stink's PAK, the advisor spammed at the excruciating pain he felt, if Zim's rap sheet caused him a severe headache then the next inmate was going to make his head explode.

In truth, Stink wished for that already.

After all, no Irken really knew what the human has done, but from the way the other Earth slaves spoke of him _before_ the invasion, it was a sure bet that this Dib was a pariah among his own people.

Kind of like Zim was among the Irkens.

And that was enough reason to investigate about this boy's past.

**_"As you know Advisor Stink" _**The Control Brain in the middle spoke indifferently **_"Once Earth was conquered, the planetary conversion team entered all the government facilities on this insignificant world before starting their jobs, just to make sure to look out information for possible rebels"_**

Stink said nothing; the machines took this as a sign to continue ranting.

**_"They did not find anything of importance, other than a few historical files of the humans that were destroyed simply because it was enjoyable to mess around with inferior life forms."_**

Stink finally showed some sign of life when he smirked cruelly and spoke with delight "I liked that part of the job… the best part of being an invader… correction, the best part of being an**_ Irken._**"

**_"Affirmative"_**

**_"However" _**the first control brain continued the conversation **_"Some humans have catch the eyes of Tallest Tak, among them were the children Dib and Gaz Membrane, as well as their father who is now working with the enslaved Vortians to build better and of course deathlier technology."_**

"Yeah, that part I know"

**_"I KNEW IT!"_**

Stink raised and eyebrow in confusion at the control brain on the far left _"Huh?"_

The other two artificial beings ominously glared at their counterpart and set their calculating eyes back on their alien **_"Ignore him"_** they both said with a tone that clearly told Stink not to ask questions.

"Okkkkk, so what of these human smeets?"

**_"They are not among the slaves"_**

Stink's eyes widened **_"WHAT!?"_**

**_"They escaped"_**

"That's impossible all personal is given strict others to shoot any lower life forms should they try to make a run for it!"

**_"We know"_**

"How did they escape?!"

**_"How indeed"_**

"StTOP REPEATING STUFF!!!" Stink bellowed in anguish.

_**"But it's fun"**_ The second brain whined.

Ignoring the odd behavior Stink asked something he just _had_ to know "Doesn't Tallest Tak know?"

**"She knows, because she let them escaped"**

"Huh… surely you're all joking!"

**_"No… no we are not" _**The first brain said after a moment of awkward silence **_"You see, she has grown bored and was looking for a challenge... these humans gave her that when she tried to get the title of Invader."_**

**_"The problem with Tallest Tak" _**Said another brain **_"Is that she is too arrogant and cocky, the power she was given has corrupted her, she seems to underestimate these children… just like she did with Zim"_**

"But that's the thing, Zim is no longer around and he was the reason why these humans defeated her the first time!" Stink exclaimed.

**_"This why you will be given the knowledge of the Dib-human and the Gaz-demon's criminal activity, so you will know exactly what to expect of them!" _**All brains said at once.

Finally the information about Dib's past was being pulled into Stink's PAK.

**_"These crimes are the things the boy has done by human and Irken standards in no particular order"_**

"Lay it on me!" The Irken yelled bravely.

**_"Let's see, apparently his first act of criminal activity was at the age of six, he spied on a family he believed were vampires"_**

"Vampires?" Stink repeated "What are vampires?!"

If the machines could shrug they would have done just that **_"We don't know, but apparently they are some sort of undead creatures that need floor to exist"_**

"That's sick!" The alien gaped horrified "I knew I should have fought harder on the idea of _exterminating_ all Earthly life instead of _enslaving_ it!"

**_"His next crime was at the age of 8, he stalked a really hairy child he believed was a bigfeet smeet"_**

**_"Bigfoot"_** The third brain corrected.

The other two artificial being glared at their companion.

Stink did not think anything of the animosity between the three machines _"Must be because they have nothing else to do besides bitch to the other"_

**_"Moving on"_** The second brain said **_"This human messed around with something called the FBI, thanks to him certain humans were either killed or fired"_**

"Whoa… a child did that?" Stink questioned "That's kinda neat!"

**_"Apparently others didn't think so" The third control brain continued "His father had to pay thousands of dollars in fines, not to mention a restraining order was put upon the child"_**

The alien snickered "Suck to be him"

**_"Indeed"_** The first two brains agreed.

**_"He also has destroyed several mishaps, for example, not only did he unintentionally destroyed the life of hard working men but he scared other children for life with his tales of ghosts and zombies whom he claimed were real!"_**

"Where they?"

"Before the third brain could respond, his companions said **_"NO!"_**

Stink shrug.

**_"He raised the dead"_**

He gaped "But you all said his stories weren't real!"

**_"Did we?"_** The first brain asked **_"Ah well, moving on then"_**

Now the advisor looked at them as if they were brain damaged, no pun intended.

**_"The Dib was also charged with animal cruelty"_**

"Being cruel to inferior being is a crime?" He question in disbelief.

**_"By human standards" _**

"Phff, showing compassions for other being is weak!"

**_"Humans don't seem to think that"_**

"That's why they are inferior to the mighty Irken race!"

**_"Agreed… But back to the topic at hand, this boy has stolen Irken technology, that's a crime punishable by dead"_**

"Then why was he allowed to live?"

**_"Tallest Tak"_**

"Ah"****

**_"Being that she is a Tallest, she is allowed the rules as she sees fit"_**

"I know that"

**_"Seemed like you needed some reminding" _**

"Stink growled "Ok, what else do I need to know?"

**_"Some investigations have revealed he is also charged with the ship-jacking of the Massive" _**

The alien's mouth was in a perfect "o" shape; clearly he did not know that little fact.

**_"Surprised?"_** The first brain mocked **_"So were we"_**

**_"So it wasn't Zim entire fault the former Tallest Red and Purple almost died? … damn, I really wanted to put the whole blame on him"_**

**_"One little thing doesn't matter, remember Zim caused way worse thing than this human ever did to our Empire"_**

"True"

**_"One disturbing crime the child committed"_** The second brain said putting the important topic back on the table **_"Was being responsible for sending the Santa Claus into space"_**

"Really?" Wow"

**_"He is also charged with resisting the invasion and attempting to save the life of his fellow slaves on more than one occasion"_**

"Ok, that's not news"

**_"He is also responsible for helping stop the plans of turning Earth into a snack filled planet"_**

**_"I thought Zim was responsible for that!"_**

"He had help"

"Zim should also be charged for teaming up with the enemy!" Stink snarled.

**_"I KNEW I was forgetting one important thing to put on Zim's rap sheet!"_** The first brain bellowed **_"Thanks Stink!"_**

The Irken in question raised an eyebrow sceptically at the control brain's change in demeanour "Ok this is too weird" He muttered.

If the other two ominous machines could, they would groan in exasperation, instead one simply hits the peculiar A.I in the fact of its "head"

Only then to shut down for no apparently reason.

"Uhh is that supposed to happen?" Stink asked perplexed.

**_"Ignore that, he'll be reactivated in within five minutes"_**

"Okkkkkkkkkk"

**_"Now, you should also know that given the fact that this Dib is only a ten year old, you should NOT underestimate him, and sometimes even children can be very clever… that's probably why he was on the FBI and CIA list to keep under observation at all times"_**

"Really?... That's quite an accomplishment"****

**_"The humans viewed him as unpredictable; they saw him as a danger"_**

"And why was he never captured?"

**_"Oh he was, but its unknown how he escaped the crazy house and even the police"_**

Stink whistles in wonder.

**_"This Dib has been arrested more times than Zim ever was"_**

"Ok _NOW _that's something I don't believe!"

**_"This child has been arrested seventeen times; Zim was only arrested sixteen times"_**

"Wow… what'd he do?" Stink asked in awe "I mean he couldn't have causes disasters and stuff, I mean this kid doesn't even look all that dangerous to me"

**_"Most of the time he was arrested for breaking an entering"_**

"Pfff… what a rookie."

**_"He was charged with attempt in murder"_**

Stink raised an eyebrow.

**_"He tried to kill Zim"_**

"Ok THAT shouldn't be a crime"

**_"Agreed" _**Two out of three brains said at the same time.

The second control brain finally reactivated and asked **_"Ok, what did I miss?"_**

**_"Nothing important"_** The others responded.

**_"Ah well … where we're we? Ah yes The human's next crime was causing his skool to go into a severe mucus like state and he was forced to clean it afterwards"_**

"That… sickening"

**_"He was also charged with faking the existence of ghosts just so he could get famous"_**

Stink snickered "That's just sad"

**_"He was expelled from his skool several times but his father bribed the system to get him back in… the reasons for these expulsions are kinda creepy so you don't want to know about them unless you want to turn insane"_**

"Then let's not go there then" Stink said trying to detach his PAK from the tentacles.

**_"Petty thieving"_**

"Define petty"

**_"Stuff from his father's lab in the former place that was once called downtown"_**

"I see"

**_"He was put in a detention center for the juveniles for attempting to steal a powerful machine he claimed would save the Earth"_**

"Ah yes, ignoring him was mankind's downfall"

**_"Yes, is quite ironic really" _**The second brain said ominously.

"What else?… this kid's misfortune is really amusing!"

**_"We all agree on this"_**

**_"I don't"_** The third control brain said.

The others said **_"Nobody cares what you think"_**

**_"Hey people care what I have to say"_**

"No, not really, many think your kind of malfunctioning" Stink said to the brain "No offence".

The many eyes of the machine turned into different colors almost as it it was glaring at everyone within the room.

**_"Dib's final crime"_** The first brain mocked in a way to get order back in the room**_ "Was staring a rebellious group against our Empire"_**

"Which failed horribly" The advisor smirked.

**_"Quite" _**

The tentacles released Stink and he once again hits the floor unceremoniously

"Again, did you guys really have to do that?"

**_"Again, yes we did"_**

He glared at the three control brains.

Only the third glared back.

"Well thank the Tallest this human's rap-sheet did not make my brain explode like Zim's rap-sheet _almost_ did!"

**_"Then wait till you hear about the Gaz-girl's crimes… they are quite vile"_**

"Pff, how vile could a little girl be?"

**_"More so than Zim's crimes"_**

Here Stink's red eyes widened as the tentacles appeared and reattached to his PAK yet again "No! stop! I don't wanna know!!"

* * *

**_Aw, poor Stink, yes I'm quite cruel to him, but its fun giving him a headache._**

**_Well only one more chapter to go and trust me Gaz's Rap-Sheet even thought it's short is still one that will give you nightmares!_**

**_Heh heh.. se ya next chapter! _**

**_Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	3. The Scary Girl's crimes and Stuff

_**Chapter 3 or better known as Gaz's Rap Sheet**_

_**Disclaimer: Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, if I own the rights to the show, ya think I be wasting me time posting my ideas on the internet?**_

* * *

"Well thank the Tallest this human's rap-sheet did not make my brain explode like Zim's rap-sheet _almost_ did!"

"_**Then wait till you hear about the Gaz-girl's crimes… they are quite vile"**_

"Pff, how vile could a little girl be?"

"_**More so than Zim's crimes"**_

Here Stink's red eyes widened as the tentacles appeared and reattached to his PAK yet again "No! Stop! I don't wanna know!!"

* * *

"_**Too little too late for that Advisor Stink"**_ One of the brains boomed ominously.

Once again the Irken spammed at the excruciating pain he was receiving.

"_**!"**_

"_**Whiner"**_

"I am not a whiner; you guys just keep hurting me!_** WHY OF WHY?! THE PAIN**_!"

The brain on the far left was quiet for a few seconds and then in a low dangerous voice said _**"This human is highly dangerous, keep in mind that she is not to be underestimated at any moment, even her less gruesome offenses are anything but humane"**_

"Why are you telling me this?!" Stink raged "It's not like I'm going to meet her someday!"

All the brains laughed, this sent a cold chill down the advisor's abused spine.

Because when a control brain is amused, then _something_ is not right.

"_**Always expect the unexpected, that's a rule you should know by now Advisor Stink."**_

"Ok U get it" The Irken mocked "I might get to know this human"

One brain slaps Stink with one of its smaller tentacles _**"Always show respect to us you twist"**_

Stink touches his abused cheek and maliciously said "Respect to machines? Pfff… I respect a dead Hogulus before I respect you!"

The center brain darkly bellowed _**"Tallest Tak is not around to protect you, I recommend that you take back your sacrilegious comment Advisor Stink, because next time, we WONT be so merciful on you"**_

The Irken's eyes widened in fear, he had forgotten that his so called hatred for the machines was more of a thing he said when his Tallest was around, since she seemed to have an unhealthy loathing towards the control brains and he only said stuff like that to make Tallest Tak happy, nothing more nothing less.

And now that he said a very cruel thing in front of the machines that in a way ruled the Empire, he was certain that he was in deep trouble.

Had it not been for the center brain just giving him a warning… for now he was lucky.

"I apologize… I forgot my Tallest was not with me"

All the brains simply eyes him in a way that made Stink uncomfortable.

"_**We will let this lack of respect slide this time, so be grateful Advisor, not many Irkens get the honor of NOT dying at our hands"**_

Stink released a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding.

"_**Now then, down to business"**_ The first brain said in a monotone voice. _**"The Gaz-human's crimes in no particular order are the following"**_

"_**Saving lower life forms from painful experimentations"**_

"But didn't she do that _against_ her will?"

"_**Nevertheless she saved lives! That ironically is punishable by death!"**_

Stink smirked evilly "Ah, I love the cruel irony"

"_**She is responsible for stalking and murdering some kid just for some primitive gaming device"**_

Stink blink in a mixture of awe and horror.

"Before the invasion, the Gaz-human was also wanted in eleven states for illegally making copies of many games"

"Meh, that's just being stupid"

"_**She stole technology from her own father and created many robot dolls that were considered too dangerous"**_

"_**Dangerous how?"**_

"_**They were programmed to feed on human flesh and in fact she also programmed them to eat **__**Irken**__** flesh, there are still about four hundred of those things lose on the planet"**_

Stink gawked "And I'm just learning this NOW?!"

The control brain on the right got closer to the alien that was now trembling like a leaf _**"You're the first one to know… why you think there have been so many mysterious deaths on this world?"**_

"_**TALLEST TAK DOESN'T KNOW?!" **_The advisor asked in terror.

"_**Oh she knows, she just doesn't care to tell anyone else, in her mind anyone who are unable to fend for themselves deserve to die"**_

Somehow Stink wasn't surprised by his leader's callous attitude.

"_**The human girl is also responsible for the murder of the previous Tallest Purple"**_

"_WHAT? WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE DO THAT?"_

"_**Records say she wanted revenge for destroying her favorite snaking place"**_

"That's messed up" Stink snarled "We have caused the genocide of her species and she wants revenge for destroying one insignificant restaurant?!"

"_**She is a fan of pizza" **_The center brain said dryly _**"She views that thing as the most important thing in the universe"**_

"Oh NOW, I hope I run into her, I'm gonna kill her slowly and painfully and feed her remains to the digestors!

"_**That can wait"**_

Stink sneered "Tell me more about her, the more I know the sooner I can find her and slaughter her!"

The first control brain made a sound that was similar to a chuckle, clearly it was amussed at the venom in the Irken's voice _**"Don't be so blinded with anger, that would only lead you to your doom!"**_

"_**WHATEVER!"**_

"_**Well if you must know" **_The third brain said nonchalantly _**"Gazeline released some demented SIR Unit that ate 60 percent of the Massive's snack pods"**_

"That is just evil!"

"_**Told you this girl was more vile than Zim"**_

"No shit"

"_**She created a device that turns off the PAK, and has used it several times, wasting several soldiers"**_

"Who cares, our Empire is growing, we can always get more people to take places of the fallen!"

"_**Very true"**_

"Anything else?"

"_**The human is believed to be a spawn of a demon, she is so dangerous that it has been ordered by our Tallest to shoot her on sight"**_

"_**Something Zim has not achieved" **_Another machine commented.

The center brain moved his dark green eyes ominously, it was clear, something about that little piece of information struck some sort of nerve.

The brains released Stink from the tentacles once again.

"Is that all?" He asked as he got up and massaged his sore butt.

"_**I'm afraid so"**_

His counterparts seemed like they were going to argue but he cut them off and once again his attention was to the extraterrestrial in front of them, his ominous eyes not once showed any sort of emotion other than exasperation.

"_**What are you waiting for?!"**_ The artificial being bellowed_** "GO! You have an Empire to help organize… and stuff!"**_

Stink narrowed his eyes in determination, saluted and ran out of the room but not before giving the three control brains one look that seemed to say "thank you"

Once the Irken left, the third control brain broke the silence with a question

"_**Is he gone yet?"**_

"_**NO, he's still here but he's now invisible!"**_ The first A.I said snidely.

"_**Be quiet BOTH OF YOU!"**_

"_**Shut up Zim!"**_

Soon enough the tree brains slowly collapsed o the floor and then started to break or more accurately a door appeared and started to open from the top of each artificially huge robots.

Once they all opened, three beings came out of them which were none others than Zim, Gaz and Dib!

The scary girl snarled and slapped Dib in the back of his head and punched Zim on the stomach.

The boys collapsed on the floor in pain.

"_**YYEOWW!"**_

"_**MY SQUEEDLY SPOOCH!"**_

"Pff whiners"

"What was that for?!" Her brother asked.

"For being stupid, you just _had_ to be quiet when I told you so but no, you just _had_ to keep that mouth of yours opens!"

Zim snickered.

"And you!" Gaz was now glaring at Zim "Why the hell did you have to cut my rap-sheet short!"

"Because no one can have a longer rap-sheet than the amazing Zim!" The Irken yelled at the top of his uh lung _**"NO ONE!"**_

Gaz smirked "Ah so you admit my criminal record is longer than yours"

"Zim will never admit such a thing," The defective cried "The concept of someone committing more chaos than I is improbable!"

She snorted "But not impossible, after all I beat you"

"NO YOU HAVENT!"

"EXCUSE ME!" Dib finally interjected "Since when did having a longer rap-sheet became something to me proud of!"

Zim and Gaz looked at him as if he were a moron "Pff, obviously you don't understand"

The Irken chuckled maliciously.

"Understand what?" The human question "How insane this is?!

Zim grinned "EXACTLY!"

NOW it was Dib's turn to give Zim a look of bafflement.

"Your sister and I have our own little contest of who is more evil, me or her and we both know I am!"

"Your not considered evil, if your insane" Gaz pointed out smugly.

"LIES!"

"Focus!" Dib yelled "What was the purpose of us taking control of the brains _Zim_!"

"I told you Dib-pig ,Stink is sure to grow paranoid of the information we just gave him and sooner or later he will have a beakdown and then _**BAM**_ we can kill him and Tak at the same time! It's ingenious! _**WUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**_

Gaz rolled her eyes "Moron… what we just did was to give him reason to be on the lookout for us, WHY I agreed to help you?"

"Because you know that my amazing plan will succeeded and _**because I AM ZIM AND ZIM IS NEVER WRONG!"**_

"Oh if he's never wrong then tell us, after telling Stink of our past crimes, what will he do?" Dib asked incredulously.

Zim shrugged "I dunno, be on the lookout for us?"

Both humans blinked and then simultaneously slapped their heads.

"We are _so_ doomed" Gaz muttered.

"Or are we?" Zim asked stupidly.

"Yes!"

"Think it well! Stink will be paranoid!"

"And how will that help to free our planet?!" The raven haired boy asked angrily "He'll only go harder on the slaves!"

"Oh I don't think so, by he being paranoid, his credibility will go down faster than some sort of downy… person… thingy."

"" Gaz said not at all convinced and then what?"

The alien looked at the girl with annoyance and crossed his arms in arrogance "After that we just wait, sooner or later some soldier will simply kill him for us, remember Advisors even thought they help the Tallest, they aren't the Tallest and they aren't as important, if anything they are expendable"

"Then doesn't that mean that someone else will simply take Stink place?"

Zim smirked cruelly "Yes but that would take time and since the advisor has high security, after his dead then all the security will simply focus on Tak"

Dib was catching up on his ally's plan "Then the security on the slaves will be diminish"

Gaz opened an eye "And that way our changes of freeing others will be much easier and a revolt _could_ happen"

Zim nodded "Told you I knew what I was doing"

All the three "friends" grinned at each other.

"This plan is flawless."

"For once I _may_ agree with you space boy"

Zim began to laugh evilly and then got a communicator out of his PAK" GIR! Mission accomplish, get us out of here!"

"Yes my master!"

Zim, Dib and Gaz started to glow and faster than the Sir unit could scream "monkey" they had disappeared.

THE END.

* * *

_**Well this story is done and done.**_

_**So watcha think of it? I suppose I could have gone further with Gaz-criminal record but she was just such a hard character to think of crimes for, also the kid Gaz "murder was Iggins from "Game Slave 2" For those of you not in the known Jhonen originally planned to kill Iggins but nickelodeon did not want that, so for the sake of the story, let's pretend Iggins died, ok?**_

**_Also, no there wont be a sequel, this was intended to simply be a comical thing, not real purpose other than to think of all the bad things our three main characters did before, during ad after the series._**

_**Invader Johnny Signing Off.**_


End file.
